Tråd: Humortråden

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I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
PMS jokes aren't funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
Velcro — what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Why Dogs Are Better Than Women


1. Dogs don't cry
2. Dogs love it when your friends come over
3. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo
4. Dogs think you sing great
5.A dogs time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink
6. Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late
7. The later you are the more excited dogs are to see you
8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs
9. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away
10. Dogs understand that farts are funny
11. Anyone can get a good looking dog
12. If a dog is gorgeous other dogs don't hate it
13. Dogs don't shop
14. Dogs like it when you leave things on the floor
15. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long
16. Dogs never need to examine the relationship
17. A dogs parents never come to visit
18. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions
19. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it
20. Dogs like beer
21. Dogs don't hate their bodies
22. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across
23. Dogs never expect gifts
24. It is legal to keep a dog chained up at your house
25. Dogs don't worry about germs
26. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've ever had
27. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to your wallet, desk or your pant pockets
28. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives
29. Dogs don't borrow your shirts
30. Dogs never want foot rubs
31. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public
32. Dogs find you amusing when you are drunk
33. Dogs can't talk
34. Dogs aren't catty
35. Dogs seldom outlive you!